my neck is open wide
by flowermasters
Summary: Lady Ren returns. She is not how Hux remembers her. AU where Kylo is a girl.


A/N: Here it is, the obligatory choking fic. This follows all of my previous TFA works, and takes place after the film.

Warnings for: cisgirl Kylo, Kylo/Hux, rough/"hate" sex, asphyxiation, REALLY UNSAFE KINK STUFF, like please do not think this is in any way appropriate for real life behavior.

Title comes from Halsey's "Castle."

* * *

The Supreme Leader has left Hux almost entirely to his own devices for the past few months, apparently too preoccupied with completing Lady Ren's training – whatever _that_ means. Hux ought to be angry about being left in the lurch to deal with the Resistance while Kylo and Snoke are off meditating or something, but really, he's just glad he isn't dead yet.

The message from Snoke arrives quite suddenly; Kylo Ren will be arriving within the week in the shuttle she'd been left with, and will resume her position on the _Finalizer_. Hux doesn't receive any further detail, not that he'd really expected it. Still, it would be nice to be informed whether Kylo plans on lingering or whether this is only a temporary return before she's off running Snoke's errands again. Hux would like to know what he's getting himself back into, that's all.

Hux personally goes to the hangar to await Kylo's arrival. It seems only proper, after – well, after everything. Admittedly, part of him is curious to see what has become of Lady Ren in the months since he's seen her. It's anyone's guess what Snoke's training will have done to her physically, and Hux doesn't pretend to be knowledgeable in the ways of the Force. But when he'd last seen her, Kylo had been only days removed from half-dead, and she'd barely spoken a word to anyone before being left with Snoke. Hux hadn't received so much as a goodbye, and he'd be lying if he said that it hadn't nagged at him over the months.

He watches the craft land and then waits, eyes fixed on the shuttle, spine ramrod straight and hands neatly folded at his back. The picture of military discipline, aside from the small and involuntary flinch he gives when the shuttle doors suddenly and loudly hiss open. Hux is still willing his heart to beat normally when Lady Ren appears, pausing briefly in the doorway before she strides down the ramp to meet him.

"Lady Ren," Hux greets, unsure of what else to say.

She is wearing the same robes she always has, but it is bizarre, to see her out and about with only a hood obscuring her face. Hux can just barely see her eyes, and he almost reaches out and grabs her chin to lift her face to the light and allow himself a better look. Have they changed color, or is he imagining it?

"General Hux," Kylo drawls in return. She is smirking. Hux suppresses a shiver – from unease or pleasure, he can't be sure. Possibly both. "Am I to be given my old quarters?"

"Yes," Hux says. "They've been readied for your arrival."

"I'll show myself to them, then," Kylo says. She pauses as a group of stormtroopers pass; all of them are nearly jogging to avoid being anywhere close to Hux and Kylo for long. "Would you believe me if I said I'd missed your company, General?"

The question takes Hux by surprise, as had surely been its intent. "No," he says, mostly because this is neither the time nor the place for such a frivolous line of conversation. It's possible Kylo might have missed having a warm body to use for her pleasure, but other than that, the idea seems laughable. Lady Ren misses no one.

Her smile twists at the scar marring her face, and she doesn't deign to say anything else before sweeping past him, leaving Hux standing there, suddenly feeling rather stunned. He does not allow himself to turn and watch her leave.

The rest of the workday passes in a strangely normal fashion. Hux returns to the bridge for a while, attends a few meetings, and then goes back to his quarters to work in private. He doesn't hear anything from or about Kylo, the latter of which he finds rather shocking. He'd expected her return to cause more of a stir among the crew, but everyone is either too afraid to talk about it, or is being very careful to make sure Hux doesn't overhear them.

Hux tries to put Kylo out of his mind, even when he's retired for the evening. He has far better things to worry about right now, after all. It's better not to waste time on Kylo before she gives him a reason to, and he's quite certain she will give him a reason. He simply didn't expect it to happen quite so soon.

When Hux steps out of his private bathroom, fresh from a shower and wearing only standard-issue pajama pants, the first thing he notices is that the lights in his bedroom have been dimmed significantly. The second thing he registers is a dark figure skulking by the door. Hux's reaction is instantaneous – he lunges for his bedside table, where he keeps a small blaster as any intelligent person in a position of power should.

Kylo's laugh, a husky and somewhat familiar chuckle, makes him stop, his hand already gripping the blaster. "At ease, General," she says. Hux knows she's using the military command to – for lack of a better expression – fuck with him, and he finds it irksome. "I'm not here to kill you."

Hux lets go of the blaster and straightens up, but does not close the drawer. He feels strangely naked standing before Kylo; he isn't sure whether or not he's ever been shirtless in front of her. They'd always kept most of their clothes on, both for convenience and to keep some measure of distance between them. "I see your time with the Supreme Leader hasn't changed your flagrant disregard for rules and privacy."

"I see your time without me hasn't cured your paranoia," Kylo retorts, and at the twitch of her fingers, the drawer slides shut. "Relax, Hux. You won't need it."

Hux very much hopes so. Shooting at Kylo would only delay the inevitable and no doubt worsen his suffering, if it came to that. "Why have you broken into my quarters, Lady Ren?" he asks, exasperated.

She starts to walk closer, like a predator stalking prey. Hux resolutely does not move. "I've been gone for a while. I thought you might like to talk."

"To talk," Hux repeats dryly. The most talking of a personal nature that he and Lady Ren have ever done had been during the few minutes before and after they'd thought she might be pregnant. That discussion had been mostly limited to expressions of how relieved they'd been not to have to face Snoke's wrath over such a mistake. "About what?"

She shrugs. The movement startles him. It's an immature gesture, something he might have expected from the Kylo of months past. Perhaps she has not changed so much after all.

"Fine," Hux says, because the sooner they do this _talking_ , the sooner she will either get what she came for or leave. "But take off that wretched hood. I know what you look like."

She reaches up and pulls back the hood, baring her face to him. Hux studies her for a moment, brow furrowed. Her scar gives a sort of savagery to features that had already had a sort of graceless beauty about them. Her wild hair is a bit longer than Hux remembers, which irrationally pleases him; that had always been one of her nicer attributes. As for her eyes – he hadn't been hallucinating. They have changed. They are still brown, but with a strong amber cast. It's like looking into a bottle of Corellian rum.

Kylo chuckles again, startling Hux from his reverie. "Such poetry, General."

He'd forgotten how aggravating it is to have her plucking thoughts from his head at will. "What has he done to you?" Hux asks suddenly, before she can hear it in his head. "Your eyes – they're different."

"The Supreme Leader has made me more powerful than I ever was before," Kylo says, a touch of rapture in her expression. She's always been unstable, but for a moment Hux worries her overall sanity might have truly been rattled. Still, he does not move away from her. "My body is only a manifestation of my power now, a tool with which to eradicate."

"Is that why you never allowed anyone to fix that scar?" Hux asks dryly, already irritated with her mystical ramblings. "To look powerful?"

She narrows her eyes at him. The old Kylo is present in that look, Hux is sure. "I have no time for vanity, General," she says.

Her expression gradually softens, and she allows her gaze to roam then, as if sizing Hux up in a way she never has before. He resists the urge to childishly cross his arms over his chest under the scrutiny. Suddenly, Kylo reaches out and runs her fingers lightly over his side, just below his ribs. Her fingers are warm against his flesh, which has cooled upon drying. "Where did you get this?" she asks quietly.

Hux looks down to see what she's referring to, even though he's already quite sure. It's an old scar, so old that it has long turned white, but it once had been a livid pink against his pale skin. "A fight," he says. "In my days at the Academy. It was a more cutthroat place than most expect."

"Did you win?" she asks, still looking at the spot where he'd once taken a dagger. "The fight, I mean."

"Of course," Hux says simply.

Her pleased gaze flicks up to meet his again, and then she is stepping even closer, so that they are nearly pressed against each other, her calloused hand now splayed against his ribs. "I thought you wanted to talk, Lady Ren," Hux says, because he can't resist mocking her, even when she seems so much more dangerous than she ever had before.

"We _are_ talking," Kylo points out. Hux expects her to kiss him, but she doesn't. Instead, she slides her hand on a slow path up and over from his side to the middle of his chest, resting briefly over his heart, before she moves her hand again, this time to lightly clasp at his throat. Hux stiffens.

"What are you doing?" he says.

"What we've been playing at since the beginning," she murmurs. "You only have to say yes, General."

Hux swallows, unused to the pressure of her hand against his throat. She's not squeezing, not exactly, but it would be a very easy thing for her to do. Kylo's right, this is something they'd danced around for months before she'd left. Kylo had always played as if she would choke him, should he ask for it. Hux never had, but only out of pride. He's become relatively sure over time that she will not kill him unless instructed to do so by Snoke. Barring a loss of control on her part – which is quite possible – he will survive this. He may even enjoy it.

Hux remembers, suddenly, that he'd dreamed of it once. At first blush, it might have seemed like a nightmare, but he'd woken achingly hard and feeling almost feverish for it.

"Fine," Hux says, attempting to seem unaffected, but in his head he pushes a thought at her inexpertly. _Yes._

She looks pleased, and maybe even a little relieved. Perhaps she'd expected him to do the rational thing and command her to unhand him and leave. "Lie down on the bed," she orders, releasing his throat. He does, although his instinct is to rebel. Hux is fully aware of the irony in that.

Kylo shrugs off her heavy robe, letting it crumple to the floor at her feet. Next, she unbuckles her boots and tugs them off. Hux watches, unsure of what else he is allowed to do. Kylo must sense his shock when she begins to remove her tunic, because she smirks at him briefly.

Hux has only seen her naked from the waist down, and even then, her long robes have hidden all but what she's allowed him to see. In the dim light, he can see that she is littered with scars – the most noticeable is, of course, the crater on her side she'd gotten in retaliation for murdering her own father. It feels strange to think of that now, and Hux pushes it from his mind quickly, lest Kylo notice and fixate on it. When she is finally unclothed, she stands there for a moment, almost as if allowing Hux to study her. "Take your clothes off," she says finally.

It's a bit awkward, wriggling out of his light trousers and his shorts without getting off the bed, but Kylo doesn't seem bothered. She finally joins him, straddling his lap. "My hand or the Force?" she asks, voice low.

"Your hand," Hux says, almost immediately. He doesn't much trust the Force, in Kylo's control or anyone else's. It is one of the few things he cannot contain or outsmart.

Kylo surprises him then, and leans down to kiss him. For but a moment she allows him to touch her, and he takes full advantage of it, greedily running his hands over flesh he'd never expected to see, much less touch. He is aware of her hand wriggling between their chests, and when Kylo touches his throat again, Hux shivers.

Kylo pulls away from his mouth. "If you want me to stop," she murmurs, "I'll know."

Hux nods, and she sits up slightly then, keeping one hand grasping his throat. She puts the other hand between his legs, touching but not actually pleasuring him. He tries to rub against her hand and she squeezes his neck, tightly enough to make him sputter, but finally she starts to stroke him.

Every time Hux's vision starts to become tinged with gray, Kylo will loosen her hold on his throat and allow him to take a breath or two – but each time that happens, she stops the movement of her other hand. It's maddening, and Hux quickly gives up his pretense of restraint and writhes under her impatiently, gasping, "Do it _properly_ , damn you."

"Yes," she breathes, sounding almost as desperate as he feels, and then she is guiding him inside her. Hux can't help the rather embarrassing moan he makes. She exhales shakily, then squeezes his throat again, the strong muscles in her arm flexing. Hux feels like she is the only thing anchoring him there, and it's exhilarating in the way that terrifying things sometimes are.

She rocks her hips against him quickly, with no hesitance, and if Hux could possibly voice his approval with his airflow restricted the way it is, he would. It seems like the closer Kylo gets to her own peak the less she bothers to allow him to breathe. Hux's vision is blurry and everything sounds muffled, as if he's wearing earmuffs, and he is more lightheaded than he's ever been. The whole universe seems to have constricted to revolve around two things – his need to breathe and his need for release, both of which are just out of reach.

 _Kylo_ , Hux tries to say, but he's not making any noise, at least not that he can hear over the sound of his own blood thrumming. _I can't –_

Hux comes quite suddenly, and then he tumbles headfirst into darkness.

He wakes slowly and unwillingly. He'd have liked to just drift for a while, but there are calloused fingers touching his face, brushing over his forehead and stroking his hair. It's distracting. Finally, Hux forces his eyes to open, though they are so heavy he just wants to keep them closed for several hours, perhaps days. He then tells himself to stop being so melodramatic.

"You fainted," Kylo says, and Hux tilts his head to look at her.

"That tends to happen," he replies, his voice a ragged whisper, "when the human brain is deprived of oxygen."

"For a moment I thought I killed you," Kylo admits, taking her hand out of his hair. She is lying on her side next to him, propped up on one elbow, and studying him with those odd amber eyes of hers. It is jarringly intimate, especially when Hux realizes she's still mostly naked – she's put on her warm robe and nothing else.

"I'm not so easy to kill," Hux says, thinking of the blade that had nearly ended him once, before he'd turned it back on its owner. Then he starts to cough, producing a wheezing, painful noise.

Kylo summons a glass with the Force, somehow managing to do it quickly without spilling any of the liquid within. She takes it in her hand, then holds it to Hux's lips. "Here," she says, and he gives her an irritated look but drinks. It hurts to swallow, but the cool water soothes his inflamed throat.

"You need to see a doctor," Kylo says, which is incredibly rich coming from someone who has previously refused medical aid even while in the process of bleeding to death. She sends the cup floating gently to the bedside table when Hux is finished with it, then reaches out and strokes the bruises that are no doubt already visible on his neck. Hux winces, but she seems not to notice.

"I'll go later," Hux manages. He doesn't say it, but he is thinking now only of sleep.

"It's going to create quite a fuss," Kylo points out, sounding vaguely amused.

"I don't give a damn," Hux mutters, unable to keep his eyes open any longer. _I'm the bloody general_ , he wants to add, but he simply doesn't have the energy for it. Still, he can tell Kylo is grinning, even though he can't see her.

When Hux is just barely hanging on to wakefulness, too out of it to open his eyes again – only then does he feel Kylo rise from the bed and leave him behind.


End file.
